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 elcome to the third edition of GAMMA Connecting for 2010.
 n the 7th July we were privileged to have as guest speaker the Hon. Michael Kirby AC CMG, former Justice of the High Court of Australia. Michael, who attended with his partner of 41 years Johan, was greatly appreciated by the 45 men who were present on the evening.
Michael, who had just returned from China where he was representing UNAIDS, spoke with immediacy and freshness from his recent trip and experiences of hearing the issues relevant to this culture. Both Michael and Johan intentionally connected with men presented beforehand and during dinner and everyone present felt deeply encouraged and supported by their presence. It was a great night and many thanks to all those who assisted in organising it. Special thanks to Graham Foreman for his great script writing skills!
 ach year we are pleased to have Roxanne McMurray, Manager of the Leichhardt Women's Health Service, speak to us about the wives experience of when their partners disclose the same sex attraction. Roxanne conducts the only funded service for women partners of gay or bi-sexual men who are in heterosexual relationships. Her talks are always well attended and greatly appreciated as she discussed with compassion for all parties the issues involved.
Following is a summary of some of the key points that she makes in her talks.
Aim of the service
To provide sexual health information and emotional support to women in NSW whose male partners are homosexually attracted or active.
Aim for the best outcome
Women and children who do the best are the ones who have been treated well and feel respected (from their perspective).
Coming out can be an exciting, freeing time and/or terrifying - two different realities - understandable that there are tensions in priorities and decision making.
Food for thought
- Get positive support for yourself.
- Speak to her early.
- Try to be patient.
- Communicate communicate.
- Encourage positive support for her.
- Have realistic expectations: Don't expect her to come to a new future quickly, she probably wants the one she signed up for and you'd planned together.
- Try to work together on helping the children transition.
To stay or separate?
Many men want to stay. Try for equal agreement after careful thought.
- What does each want?
- Same understanding of what it means?
- Safe sex agreement.
- What can she live with? Redefine beliefs.
- Agree to review your 'contract'.
- Are you pushing to stay - reasons why?
 t our GAMMA meeting on the 18th August we plan to have a panel of 4 or 5 sons/daughters of GAMMA men who, with the support of a professional facilitator, will talk about their experience when their fathers 'came out'. It is hoped that this will support men who may be considering coming out to their families in gaining some understanding of what can support their 'children' through this period and address some of the common questions and concerns that men have.
As part of this evening, Tim Kadwell is planning to make a short film capturing some of the thoughts and feelings of 'children' in this context which will be shown on the night.
On Tim's behalf, I would be grateful (if you believe appropriate) to discuss this concept with your sons/daughters (they should be 16 years and above and able to give informed consent) to invite them to participate.
There are several ways that they can participate:
- If they wish to remain anonymous, they can write and email their thoughts and reflections to Tim who can have them included via, for example, someone speaking the words on their behalf.
- If they (and you) are happy to be identified, then they can be interviewed and filmed in person or they can send through their experiences in written form which can be included. A photograph or video clip can be sent through for inclusion. In this latter option, the material will need to be accompanied by an 'agreement' which will need to be signed by all parties (including all people in any photographs sent).
Some of the questions/issues that men often ask and could be addressed by your sons/daughters may include:
- What is the best way to tell the kids?
- When is the best time to tell them?
- Should you tell them when they are younger or wait until they are older? Is there a difference if they are boys or girls?
- What about bullying? Men are afraid that their kid will be treated differently because they have a gay father. What were kids experiences?
- Should both parents tell them together? If not, what circumstances would dictate this decision?
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- How do kids react when they are told?
- Men are afraid that their kids will treat them differently as a result. They are afraid that their sons may reject them or become 'awkward' with them. They are generally afraid that their kids will feel that their father is a freak, or has betrayed their mother, or lived a lie, or isn't the same person anymore and will distance themselves from them or love them less.
- What things do kids want to know about this?
- When kids have been told, what helped/hindered them coming to terms with this new information?
- How many kids already suspected?
- How do kids feel after being told? What is it like for them? What sort of questions do they have about themselves, their family, their father, has it changed the way they relate to their father (or mother)?
- How has the relationship with their father changed (if at all) after being told?
- Who did they tell (after their father disclosed)? What sort of support did they have or did they need?
- If it has gone well in the longer term, what made the difference?
- What do kids need most from both their parents at this time?
- What information did kids want to help them with their understanding?
If you would like to discuss this further with me - then please give me a call on (0412) 260–102 (Peter), or contact/write to Tim at his email address: i_dont_noe84@hotmail.com, or contact him on 9605–7187.
Any material can also be sent through to Tim at this email address.
I think that this could form quite a powerful part of the evening and be an excellent resource for fathers. I think that they best way for this to succeed is if dad's talk to their sons/daughters about it and invite (appropriately encourage) them to share something of their experience.
Tim will need any material by Monday, 9th August at the latest - but sooner rather than later would be appreciated.
 any GAMMA men have attended a celebrating body electric workshop and found it to be a deeply enriching life experience.
The next Celebrating the Body Electric Workshop will be held at Karuna near Katoomba in the Blue Mountains from Friday 10th September 2010 to Sunday 12th September 2010.
Information Evenings
CBE will be conducting two information events in the lead up to this workshop on Tuesday 27th July 2010 and Tuesday 17th August 2010. Both events will be held at Dancing warrior Yoga Studio, 11 May St, St Peters from 7.00 –9:00 PM. The purpose of these events is to allow men who would like to know more about Body Electric to experience first hand some of the exercises used on the workshop, and to ask any questions they may have. It also gives them an opportunity to meet the staff who will be supporting them at the workshop event, and to hear from graduates of previous workshops about the benefits they gained from their own experience and the difference it has made in their lives.
I will be acting as an assistant on this coming workshop and would also be pleased to discuss the course with anyone interested.
To reserve your place please visit the website at www.bodyelectricoz.org and follow the prompts.
e have recently reprinted 3,000 of our brochures and we hope to distribute them to a wide range potential referrers. We plan to include our brochures in the mail out conducted by the Leichhardt Women's Health Centre, which goes to Doctors, Community Health Centres, Women's centres, etc.
We have also taken out advertisements in many regional newspapers across Sydney and the Central Coast and hope to contact as many men as possible who may value from the support offered by GAMMA.
 he results of our recent survey are listed here for your information. Thanks to all who participated.
1. GAMMA meetings have provided valuable assistance to me.
Strongly Disagree: 20%
Neutral: 20%
Agree: 20%
Strongly Agree: 40%
2. GAMMA speakers have been relevant and informative.
Agree: 75%
Strongly Agree: 25%
3. The facilitation of the meetings has created safety and respect for all members.
Agree: 50%
Strongly Agree: 50%
4. Social events conducted by GAMMA have been affordable and accessible.
Agree: 100%
5. Safe sex information has been provided in a relevant and helpful manner.
Neutral: 25%
Agree: 25%
Strongly Agree: 50%
6. I would recommend GAMMA to others.
Agree: 25%
Strongly Agree = 75%
Thank you for all the support you offer each other. GAMMA is your group and exists for you.
Look forward to seeing you at a meeting soon.
Regards,
Peter
Peter Kadwell
President
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