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 obody knows why some people are sexually oriented towards members of their own sex. Certainly there have been many attempts at various times in history to punish homosexual behavior and, more recently, to use psychological treatments to try and change sexual orientation. These attempts have failed. It seems that sexual preference is a permanent part of a person's psychological and physical make-up. The more dominant and the more long lasting or enduring our sexual feelings are, the more likely it is that those feelings will stay with us.
Most men who are gay and have been married went through periods of trying to suppress their gay feelings. The stronger and more long-lasting the gay feelings are, the less likely it is that this suppression will be successful. As well, many men have found that when they have tried to suppress their feelings they become emotionally or even physically ill.
What is a Gay Person?
Gay is a synonym for homosexual. Since the late 1960's the word gay has been publicly adopted by homosexual men and women as a positive alternative to the clinical-sounding homosexual. Gay was used as slang in place of homosexual as far back as the 1920's, almost exclusively within the homosexual subculture.
Not all homosexual people like the word gay; some prefer the word homosexual. And since gay has come to be used primarily in association with male homosexuality, many, if not most, homosexual women prefer to be called lesbians.
What is a Bisexual Person?
A bisexual person has significant feelings of sexual attraction for both men and women. These feelings may be stronger for the same sex or the opposite sex. That simply depends on the individual.
How Do You Know if You're Gay?
The key to knowing whether you're heterosexual, gay, or bisexual is to pay attention to your feelings of attraction. The challenge for many gay and bisexual people is being honest with themselves about what they're feelings because society is generally not accepting of them.
Can you be a gay man without having a homosexual experience or relationship?
Sexual orientation – homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual – has everything to do with feelings of attraction and nothing to do with actual sexual experience. As you grow through childhood you become aware of your sexual feelings. That awareness, whether it's attraction to the same sex, the opposite sex, or both sexes, does not require actual sexual experience. If you think back to your own early awareness of sexual feelings, more likely than not, you knew whether you were attracted to members of the same sex, the opposite sex, or both long before becoming sexually active.
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Continued from previous column
What Does ‘Coming out of the Closet’ Mean?
To explain how a gay person ‘Comes out of the Closet’ you first need to know what ‘the Closet’ is. The closet is simply a metaphor used to describe the place gay people keep their sexual orientation hidden, whether that place is between their ears, within a tightly knit group of friends, or within the larger gay community. The truth is kept ‘behind the closet door.’
At its most basic, Coming out of the Closet means being honest with those around you – friends, family and colleagues, and so forth – about your sexual orientation, about who you are.
What’s it Like Living in the Closet?
Even if your job doesn’t depend on keeping your sexual orientation hidden, staying in the closet can be hard work. It can be exhausting and frightening. You’ve got to live two different lives: your real life and a life that’s suitable for public consumption. You have to monitor what you say and be careful of what you do, and you have to make certain your two lives never intersect. When you’re out in public attending an office function, for example, you’ve got to bring a date of the opposite sex, even if you’ve been living with your same-sex partner for twenty years. If you have kids and they visit you and your same-sex spouse for the weekend, you have to pretend that you’re room-mates and make certain you’ve left no incriminating evidence anywhere in the house. (Kids are curious, and if there’s something to be found, they’ll find it!) Above all, you’ve got to be an expert storyteller. You’ve got to be able to tell a convincing lie with a straight face.
Why do people stay in the Closet?
Gay people stay in the closet for three primary reasons: Necessity, fear, and because they simply prefer not to discuss this part of their lives with, for example, their colleagues or families.
Those who stay in the closet because of necessity may do so because they know or suspect they’ll lose their jobs, or risk prejudice or discrimination.
Fear is often a factor when people decide it’s a necessity to hide their sexual orientation. People fear being rejected by their families, fear losing or compromising their careers, fear losing custody of their children, fear being thrown out of the house, fear physical violence at the hands of those who hate gay people, fear being judged, and so forth. And much of the fear is justified by the horror stories we hear, read, and have experienced personally.
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